My own way...: October 2009

Oct 21, 2009

Memilih

Source : Wikipedia Bahasa Melayu

Solat Sunat Istikharah adalah solat sunat yang didirikan untuk meminta petunjuk yang baik, apabila kita menghadapi dua pilihan, atau ragu-ragu dalam mengambil keputusan. Oleh itu kita memohon kepada Allah menunjukkan kepada kita pilihan yang terbaik.

Waktu terbaik untuk mengerjakan Solat Sunat Istikharah adalah pada 2/3 malam terakhir.

NIAT

Maksudnya : "Sahaja aku menunaikan Solat Sunat Istikharah 2 rakaat kerana Allah Taala"

DOA

Its been 2 weeks..Selama 2 minggu sejak hati saya terdetik tak pernah satu hari pun saya tak berfikir tentang perkara itu..InsyaAllah saya hampir pasti mendapat keizinan en suami..sedang menunggu jawapan mama abah dan mengharapkan petunjuk Yang Maha Kuasa..Semoga dipermudahkan..Amin

saya baca dan menitik air mata..

Got it from Pn Shila's blog

To All Married Couples and To All Future Couples

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man!

That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; I had lost my heart to a lovely girl called Dew. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, 30% shares of my company and the car. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly.

Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a months time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy.

Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Dew about my wife s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully. My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset.

I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest.. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily. Suddenly it hit me; she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart.

Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head. Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind... I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished. Then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death does us apart.

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote:
'I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart'

The small details of our lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, the property, the bank balance that matters. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you, but if you do, you just might save a marriage.

Relationships are made not to exploit, not to be broken.

We teach some by what we say
We teach some more by what we do
But we teach most by what we are

You don't get to choose how you are going to die, or when, but, you can decide how you are going to live, here and now.

Oct 18, 2009

Bersabar hadapi dugaan

8 oct - before pi keja,salam cium wish good luck kat abah sbb today beliau nak pi amil result ct scan kat spital..en suami tolong bawak..then pi keja set pakai baju raya kaler hijau bersama ofismate semua sbb ada rumah terbuka peringkat ofis..meriah tapi agak frust sbb kambing golek tak dapat mkn,,kena queue panjang sgt..mood = happy

dlm pukul 4 ptg lebih kurang en suami call bagitau abah saya kena admitted hospital sbb demam tak kebah..and result ct scan pun sgt tak best..chemo yg buat before this sikit pun takder effect cancer cell tu..in fact dah sikit spread ke lung..mintak kat boss balik awal sbb nak balik rumah amik kain baju termos pinggan sudu segala nak hantar ke ppum..mood = y'all can't imagine how sad i am..rasa mcm nak pasang wiper kat mata sbb susah nak drive sambil kesat air mata..

9 oct - on leave sbb mmg dah mintak AL, nak pegi somewhere yg saya dah buat appointment before this..after settle semua kat situ,terus lepak hospital pulak. mood = happy with the progress at that place Alhamdulillah..tp lagik sedih with abah condition..abah sgt helpess at that time..

10 oct - abah masih tak boleh balik sbb his blood tk boleh process due to weekend..saya pun tak faham kenapa hospital tak boleh 24x7 kan saja keja org yg process darah tu..
balik melaka sbb dah janji nak pegi open house ngan MIL..mood = biasa2 ja..tapi sedih lagi

11 oct - pegi kenduri kawen kat 'kuale'..Kuale apa saya pon dah lupa..huhu..pastu balik kl terus ke hospital..

12 oct - masuk keja terus bos suruh pi meeting kat bkt kiara..ok saya agak suka sbb dekat dgn hospital..abis meeting dah dekat lunch hour terus saya singgah hospital kejap..abah still takleh balik lagi..mood = biasa ja..

lebih kurang pukul 3.30 ptg,en suami call ckp keta eksiden..tapi yg paling tak bleh blah sbb eksiden dalam kejadian tembak menembak..masa en suami cerita tu mcm nak gugur jantung tapi rasa marah pon ada jugak..org lain punya salah kita yg kena tanggung apahal pulak kan..tapi Alhamdulillah en suami saya tidak apa-apa..nak tau lebih sila baca sini..mood = terkejut+marah+bersyukur+sedih..

13 oct - abah dah boleh balik..cadangnya en suami nak drive keta saya pi keja,tapi smpai kat petronas enjin mati pulak..kena tinggal keta kt situ mlm tu..mood = sedih sbb esok sure duit keluar lagi nak repair keta..huhu

14 oct - pagi2 before pegi keja tunggu tow truck datang nak tow keta ke workshop..en suami ikut sampai wkshop saya plak pegi keja..kul 11 en suami call ckp problem battery je yg tak ketat skrunya..pomen buatkan free..Alhamdullillah

15 oct - mlm first attempt buat cream puff..tapi tetiba je oven yg besar sikit tu takleh guna..kalau on je terus satu rumah power trip..huhu kena bake sikit2 pakai oven kecik..mood = penat

16 oct - pagi ada open ofis peringkat kecil-kecilan..ptg pegi meeting..dapat byk keja lagi kena buat..tapi yg penting esok dah weekend..mood = biasa ja just happy la kot sbb friday kan..

17 oct - happy deepavali..kul 10 gerak pegi mlk ngan mama abah and en suami and adik and adik ipar..tujuan sbb nak pegi jumpa sorang hj ustaz nak ubatkan abah..Alhamdulillah Allah tunjukkan jalan and bantu kami..

mlm tido kat rumah MIL..mood = happy

18 oct - pegi lagi sekali rumah hj ustaz and this time mintak ustaz check kitorng semua..abah InsyaAllah ustz boleh tolong..mama semua ok cuma stress..adik ipar ok..adik saya pun ok..mak ada sikit dgn jantung, kena jaga kesihatan..en suami ok..saya??? mood = sad

Ya Allah..bantulah kami menghadapi dugaanMu Ya Allah..

Oct 4, 2009

entry post-raya 2009

Assalamualaikum..

So how's your raya peeps??mine was good..these entry adalah secara bergambar starting from 19 sept till today..saya agak malas sebenarnya nak cerita panjang2..layan gambar jelah yer..

19 SEPT 09 : hari akhir ramadan

Sesampai je en suami ke rumah pagi tu,terus mandi2,siap2 then gerak ke subang..flight pukul 10:10am..dalam hati berbunga riang sebab nak balik kedah beb..Yer diulang balik ke KEDAH..ini tahun giliran aku yg punya..muahahaha - gelak jahat

Sampai airport kedah pukul 11.30am, my sis pick up kitorang and balik rumah tok..en suami kemudiannya memulakan sesi tido beliau yg tergendala pagi itu

Ini adalah juadah berbuka pada petang hari terakhir ramadan tahun ni..Nasi tomato bersama ayam golek..diiringi juga dgn air asam, ulam ulaman, coq kodok dan air sirap limau selasih..slurrpppp..my mommy yg masak..itu tok kesayangan kami semua..beliau bertindak sebagai pegawai pemerhati pada hari tersebut..

Kemudian usai sahaja majlis berbuka puasa, saya pun menghasut kanak2 yg ada kat situ supaya pegi membeli bunga api/mercun dan juga pelita raya sbb apalah makna raya kalu depa nih dok mengadap laptop memalam tgk citer twilight..haihh..tak fun betul budak zaman sekarang..

pastu dalam pukul 10pm di malam raya tersebut, mama saya mengadu sakit dada and susah nak bernafas..terus kitorang pegi kmc-kedah medcal centre...so doc check and suspect prob with her heart or muscle cramp dkt area heart..takboleh nak determine sbb kena buat x-ray and extra test dulu but from ecg test ada something wrong with the reading..maybe terlalu penat sbb my mom kan dah sehari suntuk buat keja masak kemas rumah bagai..so my mommy kena admitted mlm raya tu..huhu sedih woo..dah la malam raya pulak tu..tak sudah Allah nak uji our family..terima jelah..

20 SEPT 09 : syawal pertama

Yeay HARI RAYA day..after siap-siapkan diri sendiri and siap-siapkan husband memasing, kitorang pon gerak la ke hosp..lepas buat x-ray and consult with doc, since mama pun dah kurang rasa sakit dada ,doc bagi mama cuti balik beraya and kena admitted semula on Tuesday..Alhamdulillah..

Saya tgh menge'check' status en suami sama ada sudah mkn atau belum..kesian en suami first time beraya bini dah kena beraya di hospital..huhu ampun ye en suami..

post istimewa drpd saya sempena hari raya ;-)

Pukul 11am,mama boleh balik and kitorang pun balik le ke rumah tok untuk berhari raya yg sebenar..

Dulu berlima,sekarang bertujuh..entah bila nak lebih dr tujuh pun tak tau..mama saya out of theme sbb tak sempat salin baju kaler biru mcm kami..

Petang hari raya pertama,kitorang dah plan nak buat bbq since semua sedara pun balik kg..yer raya tahun nih adalah sgt meriah sbb semua anak-anak tok yg seramai 11org tak kira yg jauh dan dekat semua beraya di situ..rumah tok adalah sgt pack sampaikan nak guna toilet pun kena berbaris..

21 SEPT 09 : syawal kedua

pagi kami ke rumah sedara -mara melawat bapak and mak sedara yg dah uzur..

saya sedang bergembira di dinding rumah tok sebelah abah..sekarang rumah tu kosong..rumah tu adalah sgt nostalgia..satu ketika dulu, saya membesar di rumah itu..

petang pulak ke rumah bapak sedara lagi..kali ni melawat baby baru pula..

amacam?? ada gaya tak??hehe..**saya dah period syawal kedua..huhu

Malam, saya dan en suami pun balik..huhu rasa sekejap sajer beraya di kedah..tahu sapa yg naik satu flight ngan kami??ialah si fa*ha sand*a..fs dengan adik-adik dia kot..usha-usha gak kot kot ada j*jai ke qabi* ke tapi tak nampak pun..

22 SEPT 09 : syawal ketiga

Sesudah subuh saya and en suami pulang ke melaka kg terchenta en suami saya..hari tu ialah hari meminang untuk adik ipar saya..dgn org melaka juga..

En suami juga ada sedara ramai so khemah tu penuh ngan kitorang jelah..

cari benda tersembunyi: siapakah antara yg diatas memakai baju sama corak tapi berlainan kaler??

jwpn : saya, kakak iparku dan ibu mertuaku :-)

ni bakal pengantin thn 2010..

Malam, kami beropen house kat rumah makteh..kenduri kesyukuran sebenarnya..

23 SEPT 09 : syawal keempat

Berhari raya kunjung mengunjung ke rumah sanak saudara en suami sambil2 diperkenalkan..kata menantu baru mestila berkenalan..kan kan kan..

Ni dah rumah yg keempat..saya pun terkelepet sudah..perut mesti cover..yelah dah semua makanan pun saya ngapp..

24 SEPT 09 : syawal kelima

Pagi lagi saya, en suami dan anak buah pi pekena roti tampal dulu..slurppp..then kami ke Planetarium Melaka..raya, raya jugak..ilmu di dada kena la tambah jugak ye adik2..